Trust

Who do you trust? Are you jaded and cynical? Can you trust? Does everybody lie? Do you put up a wall to keep from getting hurt? Does the wall protect you, or hurt you?

Trust is something not easily earned and when earned to be treasured.

Trust lost is almost impossible to get back...trust me I know (ooh, bad timing for that phrase).

I went to a psychology appointment today. At the end I asked where sarcasm comes from because it's genetic in my family. My shrink didn't get to explain much but I do remember cynicism and hurt (coming from a trusted source) being in there.

Trust doesn't mean much today it seems. The word is thrown around a lot. Ever listen to a politician? They use the word a lot. Do we trust them? I don't but I am a cynic so the question is, who does? They keep getting elected. We pick the guy who will screw us the least in our eyes (in my eyes).

But how are your personal relationships? Do you easily trust people? Are people basically good? Will they do what they say they will? Will I?

A lot of people are trusting me to stick with this plan for rehab. My history is not one that should inspire trust. So why do they? Is it because I can smile and talk a good game? To others, my words are all I have to assure them. My actions back up what I say but we are talking a long history of changing my mind.

Am I just 'running for office' so to speak? Do I trust myself?

Whoa! Where'd that come from? That's a crucial question. Do I trust myself? Do I think I will do what I say I will? Do I think it's important to stick to what I say? Can I deviate from the plan?

When I got out of 5 North, I spoke with one of my bosses. I talked about what my plan was, what I was thinking. The next day when I deviated from that I found out it wasn't me talking about what I thought I should do, it was me committing to what I was going to do. Unfortunately, I didn't understand that and I got some others into a bind.

My actions often affect many others, but I still look at things from my perspective. I can't read minds. I can read non-verbal cues pretty good but I still get it wrong.

No one ever gets it right all the time so I shouldn't be surprised. But I get it soo wrong so many times that you'd think I'd be a little more cautious about relying on my perceptions.

My family is the one I am most concerned with and the one where I have the worst track record. I guess that just comes from shots on goal percentage. Most other people aren't around me nearly as much to get the amount of disappointment my family has been through.

Before I get beat up by those who feel I am too hard on myself, yes, I have redeeming qualities but trust is fundamental to relationships so all those qualities don't matter if you lose trust.

Are there varying degrees of trust? Can you be trusted on one hand or with some things and not with others? Is it trust me or don't trust me?

I don't know. I'm asking here? I'm jaded and cynical. I don't trust anyone!

Ok, I do trust some people. But definitely not politicians...especially Chicago politicians ;)

The Cure - Trust

There is no-one left in the world
That I can hold onto
There is really no-one left at all
There is only you
And if you leave me now
You leave all that we were
Undone
There is really no-one left
You are the only one

And still the hardest part for you
To put your trust in me
I love you more than I can say
Why won't you just believe?