New Med Monday

After getting out of the Psych ward I was off meds (WOOHOO) but after a few weeks of feeling great I had a bad day and they put me on a different class of meds. That lasted until the next week and I got a new class of drug along with an anti-psychotic. I mentioned before what a boost to my self-esteem this was (NOT) but fortunately it only lasted for three days before I was taken off due to some harsh side effects. I was still on the Wellbutrin though. This was started the same Monday as the Abilify that only lasted three days. So, the following monday (today) I got taken off that and out on a hypertension medication (Prazosin) that should let me sleep. Not to be shoved aside, the psychiatrist also started Concerta for AD/HD but told to wait a week before starting it. This is to ensure that we know which med causes what effect.

My goal hasn't changed. Get sleep. Get focused again. Get off meds if possible. If you've been following this odysee you probably think I've completely lost it by now anyway. The truth is I am still fully in touch with reality and in the wisdom of a good friend from way back when; Reality Sucks.

The truth is that all these changes in medications and the ups and downs of my life have made me a truly difficult case to work. As you read through my posts it may be hard to believe that I am not insane. That is actually why the Army is now studying me.

I was reading a printout on suicide prevention while waiting for my shrink today. It has all these risk factors and lists stressful situations that lead to depression and suicide. It has several different categories and I have several from each. No wonder they categorize me as being depressed. They look at these charts and say "you're depressed. Now open up and say ahhh. Take these pills and you'll feel much better."

After a year and a half of following that, all I have to show for it is a downward spiral of performance at work and strained relationships at home and with my friends/co-workers. If you give someone who is not depressed anti-depressants what do you get? I'm betting you get depressed! Throw in some benzodiazepines and you have an opportunity to really go round the bend. Yes, I know, that's where I went.

Thank you for not giving up on me as my emotional roller coaster undulates and twists and turns. Hopefully you laugh with me to find solace in this but also learn that it's a process. I am glad to finally have a team of professionals that I am comfortable working with and that will stay with me until I am back to normal (whatever that is) or completely nuts.