Group Therapy

Sorry. No catchy music to run through your head as you read. No songs that I felt appropriate for this subject. No, Amy Winehouse, absolutely not!

Today was group therapy with ASAP. An hour and a half of sharing and learning from each other and the staff. It was definitely a positive experience for me. It's a small group setting so I didn't feel like I was part of a crowd. I'd bet there's a reason for that. We also get homework and if you know me you know how much I love homework (blechhh). But my motivation is stronger now than before so there is an obvious benefit to it all.

I have become concerned with all the others that are out there. It is said that Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) is the signature wound of this war. So many are living through what would have killed them in times past but the noggin is tough, the brain is soft and spongy (don't try reaching in and finding out please).

I'm no statistician but to me I see more Soldiers addicted to prescription medications than those with TBI. I thought I had TBI until I got off the meds. To me the signature 'wound' of this war will be drug addiction, alcohol abuse, eventually suicide for some. And all of these will be preventable. 100%

True, some will be more determined than others but here is where I make my case.

In the Army we PMCS everything. Preventive Maintenance, Checks, and Services. EVERYTHING! Why don't leaders at every level PMCS their Soldiers?

Until the stigma of mental health issues and substance abuse is wiped away, Soldiers will hide their problems. They will smile and say all is well because they don't want to be labeled a 'dirtbag' 'malcontent' 'malingerer' or a lot of other things I won't even write.

The higher the rank, the less likely they will seek help in any forum that may be perceived as weakness.

So we self-medicate. We distract ourselves with activity; extreme sports is the latest distraction. Adrenaline replaces the rush of combat. It also acts as a drug for those who are trying to avoid alcohol or other drugs.

Extreme sports are not the problem. The same could be said of alcohol or prescription meds. They are not the problem. Abuse is the problem. I don't have a drinking problem. I don't have drug problem. I have an addiction problem.

Some drink, others take meds, and there is no calamity in their life because of it. But so many do and I am one of millions.

Whether it is street drugs, prescription meds, or alcohol, the underlying problem is the same: Addiction. Something becomes so important to you that you are willing to throw everything else away to keep it. And I think to truly qualify, there needs to be some harm involved in continuing down the path it leads.

I'm no medical professional it's just how it seems to me after 40 years of being on, in, under, over, or around addiction. I frequently learn that I am wrong about things so check with a real doctor before you decide I'm right and chuck your meds out the window.

That reminds me. I had two appointments today. One with ASAP, the other with my Psychiatrist. The shrink says I have AD/HD. Ok, I can live with that but he said something that also came up at group. I am always down on myself.

Why is it that if I say something perceived as negative by most, I am being too hard on myself? I have been through a lot. My perception is different. I am grateful for adversity. I do not glory in what I have accomplished because I've been carried my whole life. Sometimes by friends, sometimes by family, sometimes by strangers, sometimes by angels. I do not meet all that I have alone. Ever. Does that mean I am mentally ill?

Any accomplishment is not mine. The mistakes, now that's me in action on my own. The doc would get on me about this but does my faith make me depressed? Can't I be grateful to a higher power. Does lack of pride signal mental illness? Is humility a disease? I believe that science and religion can coexist as I have said before. Why can't I just be the means through which God answers someones prayer? Why can't my going through these things and smiling give another strength?

Why can't there be a God who loves us but works through us not for us or against us?



p.s. I found a song to go with my group therapy theme of distracting ourselves. It's by the Violent Femmes and I include it below.


I know it's true, but I'm sorry to say

I know it's true, but I'm sorry to say
yesterdays a day away.
Nothing I can do to make it stay like that.
Ain't that a fact.

I know it's true, but I'm sorry to say
I just can't handle things this way.
I know it's late, but I'd like to stay a while, see you smile.

Will you meet me in the morning, with sun fresh on the dew?
Will you meet me in the afternoon, made just for me and you?
Will you meet me in the evening, when the nighttime starts to crawl?
Will you meet me in the hall?
Will you meet me on the wall?
Will you meet me at all?

One more time, one more time.
Shaking up and down my spine.
Jump a rope or skip a line or two.
What can I do?

One more time, one more time.
Color flashing neon signs.
Advertising a friend of mine's distraction, latest attraction.

Oh my body has been punished.
Lord, I think I've had enough.
Oh my body has been punished
with too much and not enough.
Oh my body has been punished
and my mind can no longer bluff.
My mind is so unkind, my mind is so unkind.
It keeps me crying all the time.

I know it's true, but I'm sorry to say
yesterdays a day away.


Gordon Gano: Guitar, Lead Vocal
Brian Ritchie: Bass ,Celeste
Victor Delorenzo: Drums,Vocals
Mark Van Hecke: organ