GOP Bailout Plan

Cracker - From Teen angst (what the world needs now)

"I don't know what the world may need,
but I'm sure as hell that is starts with me.
And that's a wisdom,
I've laughed at."

I caught some news today. I've been trying to avoid it because it annoys me. The main subject was the GOP(Republicans) and what they need to do to 're-invent' themselves. Everyone has weighed in; Dick Cheney, Rush Limbaugh, William F. Buckley's son (That's how they kept referring to him as) and other talking heads.

That reminds me. What makes these guys experts? None of them actually work. I mean, do these wealthy predominately white men really have any clue what 'Joe the Plumber' really worries about? Do they know what it feels like to juggle a budget between house payment, car payment, school clothes, health insurance (that one usually gets left out) food, braces, and all the stuff that he has to buy for school since schools can't afford the stuff we used to just get.

Do they live with the dejected look in your child's eyes when you explain to them that you can't get something they need because it's not in the budget? Or that their birthday will not quite be the social event they imagined since you've got about $10 to cover the cake and present combined?

Of course, now we have tech in classes and we have to spend a LOT of money on security because kids can't act right but that's another rant. My experience with public school recently caused me to pull my kids out. The teachers spend more time dealing with discipline than they do education. My kids were coming home with a days worth of schoolwork. What did they do in school?

So what does the GOP need to do to reinvent itself? What do all politicians need to do in my opinion? It's called integrity. It means do what you say, say what you do.

Live the way you espouse others to. According to the laws which you pass. Do things because they are right not because it is politically expedient.

Spend time actually representing the people who voted you into office instead of immediately building your war chest for re-election.

Take away the perk of getting a forever pension for a part-time job. That way you might actually have to work for a change. You might have to live with the mess you leave behind. You might lose your life savings to your cronies who screwed up corporate America.

You might grow a freakin' conscience!

This rant is not just for the Grand Old Party. It's for all the politicians we have. Where are the statesmen? Set aside what will get you and your greedy little bastard buddies rich and do the right thing.

REPRESENT THE AMERICAN PEOPLE! YOU WORK FOR US NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND!

GET YOUR HANDS OUT OF MY POCKET BEFORE YOU LOSE SOMETHING.

I can only Imagine

Caitlin has been with us thirteen years now. That is thirteen years longer than she was expected to live. She has taught us so much about ourselves and about the many people we come into contact with.

She wasn't supposed to leave the hospital. She did. Then she wasn't supposed to live to see two years old.

She did.

Now she is looking at fourteen in September. We have been up and down with her but we have always viewed her as a blessing, never a burden. Some days have been tougher than others true, but she has always loved us and through that, showed us how much our Heavenly Father loves and cares for each of us.

How you ask? The service of others. Pure and simple miracles in her health.

When doctors have done all they can and they stand back scratchng their heads looking scared and baffled she has continued to live. She wants to be here.

You see, we all have our free agency, even Caitlin. She exercises that through her desire to stay with us, or return to her Heavenly Father. She seems to still have something to do for she has had ample oppotrunity to leave.

And yet she stays. It is nothing we are doing though many give us the credit. Medicine has been a huge part of her life, but doctors know that statistically, she shouldn't be here.

And yet she stays. She has been through so much. When we lived in the south, so many would stop us and ask if they could pray over our child. We didn't ask what faith they practiced. We let them. So many have been moved by her, touched by her. She shares a testimony that few have in a way that even fewer can.

You see, she inspires in others the Spirit of Christ through service, through compassion, through pure love.

The Name Caitlin is Gaelic. It is actually pronounced much like Kathleen (it's also where the name Kathleen comes from) but more importantly is what it means. It means Pure in Heart.

"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God." More importantly to me, is wht she shows others. What she teaches others. Compassion, love, service. She has the ability to break down hearts and get inside.

Yes, she is daddy's girl. More correctly, daddy is hers.

I do look forward to the day when we can talk for as any teenage girl, she probably has an earful for her daddy!



"I Can Only Imagine"

I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk
By your side

I can only imagine
What my eyes will see
When your face
Is before me
I can only imagine

[Chorus:]
Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine

I can only imagine
When that day comes
And I find myself
Standing in the Son

I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever
Forever worship You
I can only imagine

[Chorus]

I can only imagine [x2]

I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever, forever worship you

Joey - A Song About a Drunken Love

Concrete Blonde Joey

Joey, baby - dont get crazy
Detours. fences... I get defensive
I know youve heard it all before -
So I dont say it anymore
I just stand by and watch you
Fight your secret war.
Although I used to wonder why -
I used to cry till I was dry.
Still sometimes I get a strange pain
Inside
Oh, joey, if youre hurting so am I.

Joey, honey - I got some money
All is forgiven. listen, listen
And if I seem to be confused
I didnt mean to be with you.
And when you said I scared you,
Well I guess you scared me too.
But we got lucky once before
And if youre somewhere out there
Passed out on the floor.
Oh joey, I'm not angry anymore.


Ok, it's me now
Oh the lives that would be so much different if some of us could say no. Have a little self-control. Johnette really lays it out here.

Yes, I love this song and Concrete Blonde.

Me and Pink. Best of friends

The Trial (Pink Floyd's The Wall)

Crazy,
Toys in the attic I am crazy,
Truly gone fishing.
They must have taken my marbles away.
Crazy, toys in the attic he is crazy.

Beauty and the Beast:

LeFou, I'm afraid I've been thinking
A dangerous pastime
I know
But that whacky old coot is Belle's father
and his sanity's only "so-so"
Now the wheels in my head have been turning
Since I looked at that loony, old man


ok, so maybe my sanity is only so-so but I am still lucid enough to type so why not watch a spectacular meltdown...

Sorry, it won't be spectacular. No fireworks or raving lunatic. I'll just wimper and whine and run away with my tail between my legs leaving a trail of piddle as I go.

Not gonn'a happen. I've talked about the roller-coaster from hell that I am on. Three days ago I had my arms in the air screaming like a pre-teen at a Hannah Montanna show. Last night I hit the bottom...time to climb. So this is the boring part.

But when you hit the bottom, you stomach feels all funny and you wanna puke.

That pretty much describes today so the doc called me in and put me on some Effexor XR. I am hoping this is just a cushion from the high dose of Prozac I was on. Let's hope.

The other diagnosis is AD/HD like I said before so what will those meds (if any...you can bet there will be meds. It's the Army) do to me?

Anyone out there over the age of say compulsory school on anything for this? Most of it sounds like amphetamines.

Aren't those bad? Was I self-medicating with meth all those years ago?

TMI

Well, isn't that what my blog's all about? So you don't have to laugh with me. You can laugh and point at me!

Seriously, this is where I dump my trash. Some days the rubbish bin (English term Yanks) has more crap than others. So don't worry, I'll find a happy cocktail of chemicals until I can go free-ballin'....I mean, chemically independent.

Ahh, we all have our addictions. Here in the Northwest, you can't go a block without finding three coffee stands, two where the Baristas are wearing bikinis (sounds cool but when it's a hairy chested guy it isn't what you think). I have my soda addiction. Smoking, whatever you're burning, is up to you.

Well, enough venting. let me finish watching Robots and take my Haledol....JUST KIDDING! But I am watching Robots.

Who Killed Mr. Moonlight?

Minor Set-back today. Later in the day my mood started to dive so the doc put me on some new meds for a short time. I guess a little something to ease the transition? A bit discouraging for me as I was feeling so much better and in the matter of three days, took a nosedive.

It wasn't a short trip to where I was when I needed meds, I can't imagine it will be a fast-track back either. I have been thoroughly surprised by the effect of chemicals on the brain. Subtle changes make for huge shifts in perception.

Let's see how things change...

Who Killed Mr. Moonlight by The Bauhaus

Consider green lakes
And the idocy of clocks
Someone shot nostalgia in the back
Someone shot our innocence

A broken arrow in a bloody pool
The wound in the face
Of midnight proposals
Someone shot nostalgia in the back
Someone shot our innocence

In the shadow of his smile
In the shadow of his smile
In the shadow of his smile
In the shadow of his smile

All our dreams have melted down
We are hiding in the bushes
From dead men
Doing Douglas Fairbanks' stunts

All our stories burnt
Our films lost in the rushes
We can't paint any pictures
As the moon had all our brushes

Extracting wasps from stings in flight
Who killed Mr. Moonlight?
Who killed Mr. Moonlight
In the shadow of his smile
Who killed Mr. Moonlight
In the shadow of his smile

'nuff Said

This picture captures so many things for me. My pride in my daughter; her beauty, her eternal worth, her laughter and sense of humor in the twinkle in her eye. I can see she has sense of how special she is. She is not my daughter. She is a daughter of a Heavenly King. I was only entrusted with her to this point.

The setting, Union Station in Tacoma, also shows she is traveling soon. She was married the next day. Now she is no longer mine but she is her own and has begun her own story with Seth. So there is sadness for me in this as well as joy.

A father's life is such that if he does a good job he can look with pride as he cries and waves goodbye.

I never cry ;)

Trust

Who do you trust? Are you jaded and cynical? Can you trust? Does everybody lie? Do you put up a wall to keep from getting hurt? Does the wall protect you, or hurt you?

Trust is something not easily earned and when earned to be treasured.

Trust lost is almost impossible to get back...trust me I know (ooh, bad timing for that phrase).

I went to a psychology appointment today. At the end I asked where sarcasm comes from because it's genetic in my family. My shrink didn't get to explain much but I do remember cynicism and hurt (coming from a trusted source) being in there.

Trust doesn't mean much today it seems. The word is thrown around a lot. Ever listen to a politician? They use the word a lot. Do we trust them? I don't but I am a cynic so the question is, who does? They keep getting elected. We pick the guy who will screw us the least in our eyes (in my eyes).

But how are your personal relationships? Do you easily trust people? Are people basically good? Will they do what they say they will? Will I?

A lot of people are trusting me to stick with this plan for rehab. My history is not one that should inspire trust. So why do they? Is it because I can smile and talk a good game? To others, my words are all I have to assure them. My actions back up what I say but we are talking a long history of changing my mind.

Am I just 'running for office' so to speak? Do I trust myself?

Whoa! Where'd that come from? That's a crucial question. Do I trust myself? Do I think I will do what I say I will? Do I think it's important to stick to what I say? Can I deviate from the plan?

When I got out of 5 North, I spoke with one of my bosses. I talked about what my plan was, what I was thinking. The next day when I deviated from that I found out it wasn't me talking about what I thought I should do, it was me committing to what I was going to do. Unfortunately, I didn't understand that and I got some others into a bind.

My actions often affect many others, but I still look at things from my perspective. I can't read minds. I can read non-verbal cues pretty good but I still get it wrong.

No one ever gets it right all the time so I shouldn't be surprised. But I get it soo wrong so many times that you'd think I'd be a little more cautious about relying on my perceptions.

My family is the one I am most concerned with and the one where I have the worst track record. I guess that just comes from shots on goal percentage. Most other people aren't around me nearly as much to get the amount of disappointment my family has been through.

Before I get beat up by those who feel I am too hard on myself, yes, I have redeeming qualities but trust is fundamental to relationships so all those qualities don't matter if you lose trust.

Are there varying degrees of trust? Can you be trusted on one hand or with some things and not with others? Is it trust me or don't trust me?

I don't know. I'm asking here? I'm jaded and cynical. I don't trust anyone!

Ok, I do trust some people. But definitely not politicians...especially Chicago politicians ;)

The Cure - Trust

There is no-one left in the world
That I can hold onto
There is really no-one left at all
There is only you
And if you leave me now
You leave all that we were
Undone
There is really no-one left
You are the only one

And still the hardest part for you
To put your trust in me
I love you more than I can say
Why won't you just believe?